TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction..............................................vii

1. When Someone Dies........................................1
    The Depersonalization of Dying..........................1
    Denying our Emotions....................................6
    Steps in Saying Goodbye.................................8
    Children Need to Mourn.................................10
    Putting Affairs in Order...............................10
    Offering Comfort.......................................11
    Understanding Your Own Grief...........................12

2. Stages of Grief.........................................13

    Stage I:

        Breaking Old Habits................................15
        Habits and Patterns................................16
        The Deceased's Presence............................17
        Go Easy on Yourself................................19

    Stage II:

        Beginning to Reconstruct Your. Life................19
        Working on Your Recovery...........................20
        Special Times......................................24
        Rediscovering Yourself.............................25

    Stage III:

        Seeking New Love Objects or Friends................26
        Renewed Health.....................................27
        Friends............................................27

    Stage IV:

        Readjustment Completed.............................28

3. Feelings of Grief.......................................30

    Denial.................................................32
    Anger..................................................33
    Bargaining.............................................35
    Depression.............................................36
    Guilt..................................................37
    Interrelationship of Body, Mind, and Emotions..........38
    Acceptance.............................................39
    Growing, Renewal.......................................40

4. Death of a Spouse.......................................41

    The Time Frame.........................................43
    Protect Yourself.......................................43
    Others in Your Life....................................46
    Set New Goals for Yourself.............................50
    New Abilities..........................................51
    Letting Go ............................................52
    New Friendships........................................54
    Dating.................................................55
    Sexuality..............................................56
    Remarriage.............................................57
    After the Second Year..................................59

5. Death of Parents........................................60

    Lingering Dependency on Parents........................61
    Clearing Up Old Business...............................65
    After a Parent Dies....................................72
    Afterwards.............................................74
    Grandchildren..........................................75

6. Death of Children.......................................79

    Death of a Child Through Illness.......................80
    Death of a Child by Accident...........................84
    The Family.............................................86
    Other Children Suffer Too..............................90

7. Death Before or After Birth.............................95

    Miscarriages...........................................95
    Stillbirth and SIDS....................................97
    Abortion...............................................98
    Adoption..............................................100

8. Death of Friends and Siblings..........................109

    Death of Friends......................................104
    Death of Lovers.......................................106
    Death of Siblings.....................................109
    Death of Other - National Figures, Folk Heroes........110

9. Death of Self: The Dying Process.......................114

    Denial and Hope.......................................116
    Self-Awareness........................................120
    Age at Death..........................................122
    Other Fears: How You Die..............................127
    Final Decisions.......................................127

10. Death by Suicide......................................131

    Guilt and Regrets.....................................133
    Survival Techniques...................................140
    When the Suicidee is a Spouse.........................143
    When the Suicidee is a Parent.........................146
    When the Suicidee is a Child..........................148
    The Mystery of Suicide................................150
    The Living Will.......................................155

11. Your Coping Style.....................................156

    Life Crises...........................................157
    Adjustment to Change..................................159
    Conservation..........................................159
    Revolution............................................160
    Escape................................................161
    Learn to Be a Survivor................................163
    Another Response......................................163
    Transcendence.........................................164
    Learning to Transcend.................................165
    Avoid Stressful Overload..............................166

12. Handling Loss.........................................169

    Degree of Emotional Bond..............................171
    Type of Loss..........................................173
    Personality and Previous Losses.......................174
    Timing and Prior Knowledge............................176
    Choosing Life.........................................177

Appendix A................................................182

    Suggestions on Communicating Appropriately with Survivors

Appendix B................................................186

    Resources and Organizations

    Relative Positions of Loss to Self....................168